Thursday, July 06, 2006

Germany v Italy, ITV1

This would have been up much earlier but for the electricity having almost literally having just come back on having gone off early this morning around here. The bullet point version of the report seemed to work last time, so:

- "Destination Dortmund!" They haven't cut into the opening titles before with a Champions League-style build-up insert, have they? Steve Rider's obsession, if we can label it as such, is how the Germans somehow deserve this - "they've got the organisation right, they've got the atmosphere, and now for these fans the ultimate dream - can they get the football right?" At this "stronghold" Steve Rider sounds like he's in a small reflective box as he talks up the new favourite catch-all, "atmosphere". "This is serious home advantage" Steve puts it to Terry Venables, who gives the assertion that this is where they should be playing the game before a "major, monster final". Andy Townsend restricts himself to likening the stadium to Anfield.

- Ned reports on Jurgen, speaking to start as if in a museum. Tel reckons "he looks like he should still be playing".

- "German football describes this stadium as the living room, it's so comfortable." What? Gabriel sonorously tells of Italian connections to 1982, mostly just as a way to run through the current scandals together.

- "Anyone who scores early is going to have a huge boost" Venables states, ominously. Rider's still going on about the closeness of the stadium "Everyone for Germany?" Steve checks, as he appears to be rousing the German team for them. He then suggests we "enjoy it with David Pleat and Clive Tyldesley". That'll require some work on our part.

- Apparently everyone's singing "fussball's coming home" as "German soil (is) shaking with anticipation". What does all this mean? And while we're about it, has every part started with a reference to being in Dortmund? Are we meant to be impressed by this alone?

- Clive only thinks to put personal Germany/Italy animosities into it as the game starts, while Pleat calls Jurgen "a bright man, a lovely, easy man" who "made the ground rules early and stuck to his guns". Yes.

- Oddly, Clive chooses to publicly doubt Cannavaro's stated height. It's lively stuff, Pleat seeing it as a "lovely ebb and flow". They're particularly pleased by Lukas Podolski, Clive marvelling "it's almost as if he's been given a script of the match", whatever that means. David points out he's recovered well having been "booed off a little bit" in an earlier game. How could he tell it had only been a little booing? "There weren't too many flags being flown from German white vans when we arrived" Clive puts it.

- "Some whistles here, not sure if the Germans should have given that back" Good you're on top of things, Clive. Germany are posing most of the threat, Schneider missing the best chance despite Pleat wondering, curiously, "is he really sure he could have hit that rigging?" "They manage well enough from the penalty spot, though" Clive facetiously responds. Then David really lands himself in it, declaring of Germany's strikeforce "nice to see two strikers playing with each other" before praising "improvisation" to win crucial free kicks. No, not in that sense.

- Inevitably, Clive is determined to put Ashton under Lyme's Simone Perotta into context, ending up remarking "Geoff Hurst is from there as well, you know?" and naming his former school. Something odd seems to have come over the pair of them, in fact, as when Michael Ballack goes down easily he chances "he'll have to get that out of his system - they don't dive at Chelsea, do they?"

- "Nothing to choose between two teams who have gone for it from the outset" is Tyldesley's first half verdict. Steve, the network man, follows a trailer for some boxing by declaring "this would be even on most judges' cards" as Andy references "playing with each other" and worryingly adds "once you put Totti in there..." We get some shots of the famous fan parks, Steve calling them "a night at the movies, but who will be happiest when the credits roll?" Er...

- Clive's off again on the old favourite, speculating "It's a wonder Germany don't play all of their games here in Dortmund". There's a distinct quietness to how he starts this half, especially when he gets to loose speculation about Buffon possibly going to Arsenal, summed up as "mind games". Pleat is meanwhile praising Camaronesi and how "whenever a ball is played to this willing runner he applauds it". Er, yes.

- Grosso goes down after heftily catching himself on Klose's knee and is shown waggling his head about in pain. Clive reacts with a "my brain hurts" in a dumb voice. We never want to hear that again.

- "Perhaps the referee should stop the game for a minute and allow them a drinks break, they deserve it" is Pleat's charitable view, while Clive refers to "our blinkered views of other nations" in praising the Mexican ref.

- "They've crept a yard forward, the Germans complai..." "BALLACK!" It went over.

- Lehmann accidentally flatters Perrotta, and Clive notes with restrained glee that "they thought Lehmann was going to do a Schumacher".

- "One for the purists - one to keep and savour" Pleat reckons, while Clive responds to a touchline tussle for the ball "used to play a game like that at school, called it crab football. I was pretty good at it."

- The studio team get less than thirty seconds, although Terry does just about get to point out "Ballack coming deeper and deeper and deeper".

- Gilardino "hit the post!", as declared by Clive at top volume. He "couldn't provide that cute finish", apparently. Then Zambrotta hits bar, Tyldesley bemoaning that "the only luck they've had has been bad luck", using historical context just in case we're not convinced.

- "He'll have to get used to that, Ballack. Wait until he meets Robbie Savage."

- "Great reaction from Andy and Terry" Steve pointlessly tells us off camera as everyone swaps ends, Clive adding "there is a hero and there is a villain out there, we just don't know who they are."

- "Alessandro del Piero, there's no flag, Alessandro del Piero, saved by Lehmann!" Clive seems to say this in a very odd manner, as if struggling to keep up. Which is fair enough, as there's "almost two games going on here, one at one end of the field, another at the other."

- "Trying to dance his way into some space... IT'S IN! It's Grosso! It's Italy! The most wonderful football match has got the most wonderful finale - a goal from a full-back, that tells you everything!" No it doesn't, but there's more to come yet. "He's played in del Piero...fantastic! And whatever happens in the World Cup final, we will be talking about this game for years." The director cuts straight away to a German fan with head in hands.

- "The final whistle has gone, would you believe...this is where the German dream ends, it might well be the start for Italy. Magnifico!" Tel and Andy are in similar raptures amid best game so far hallelujahs. "We were all talking about it, we thought it'd be a long night" Andy accurately surmises, up to a point.


Blogger paul said...

Did you notice David managed to keep roughly within guidelines when it came to pronounciation? I reckon he's been practising...There was one "Canomarese" but that's surely understandable given the excitement...

What a game though eh?

3:27 AM, July 06, 2006

Blogger Ween said...

I hope no young kids were watching when Ballack tried that free kick. Clive's bellow of "BALLACK!!" was frightening

10:46 AM, July 06, 2006

Blogger Ben said...

During the bit I caught in the pub, Pleat described Luca Toni as being "wooden ... but he moves very well". If that isn't a contradiction in terms, I don't know what is.

1:34 PM, July 06, 2006

Blogger Del said...

After a long day, and a late night beforehand, I found myself lulled into a deep deep sleep by the coma inducing commentary team. David Pleat should do those insomnia curing audio tapes.

I woke up 60 minutes in, and caught the best bits though.

2:22 PM, July 06, 2006

Blogger SwissToni said...

Is it just me, or is Camoranese actually a horse?


(I didn't know how much I wanted Italy to win until I scared the whole house by leaping off the sofa and screaming as loudly as I could when Grosso popped in that little volley at the end)

11:05 PM, July 06, 2006


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