Songs sung blue

Just in case you're in town tomorrow, here's all the World Cup-based singles being released on Monday. Don't forget, these are all songs sold on the premise that they "will sound great chanted on the terraces" despite the fact nobody has ever written or adapted a song that has gone on to be chanted anywhere apart from Baddiel, Skinner and Broudie, and they didn't think it'd take off either. When was the last time you joined in with a lusty chorus of World In Motion?

5678s - Woo Hoo
Off the Carling advert, of course, which now comes with extra Geoff Shreeves. He's on more than Carol Vorderman at the moment

Angry Kid & The Flaming Choppers - Handbags
Lesser regarded Aardman animated character takes piss out of football in abrasive way to no great effect

Baddiel & Skinner & The Lightning Seeds - Three Lions
Actually Three Lions '98, the one Frank Skinner says they shouldn't have been tempted to do, and even sillier now with the stuff about dancing in France as well as being the less remembered song

Blind Granny's Taxi Nightmare feat St George - Hi Ho Come On England
Well, original band names are running out fast. A possibly fictional patron saint apparently takes lead vocals on a punk Jeff Beck cover

Crazy Frog - We Are The Champions (Ding A Dang Dong)
But it's Swedish!

Dario G - Carnaval De Paris
A record you only ever hear in football based adverts, and with a title that instantly dates it. Named after Mr Gradi, of course

Dead Poets Society - England My England
It's Mike Read's band! Hopefully Holly Johnson will go onto television somewhere this week and smash up a copy

Embrace - World At Your Feet
Actually, that chorus is kind of anthemic in a non-chanted way, isn't it?

English Pride - Savva Nuvva (The Lions Roar)
You don't even need to hear this, do you?

First Eleven feat John Cleese - Don't Mention The World Cup
Apparently this is Cleese's shot at appeasement after Fawlty Towers, which surely wasn't an international incident by the show's very nature. With Stan Boardman's World Cup song going top twenty this week, we feel that elephant is remaining right in the corner where it stands nevertheless

Joe Fagin - That's England Alright
Because they were all in Germany, see? Clive Langer produces, for his sins. The press release for this claims World At Your Feet is "shoegazing indie", which we'd actually hope it would be

Koopa - Stand Up 4 England
Helpfully they've set up a Myspace special page for this. We lasted to the second line before deciding it sounded like the Ordinary Boys on cheap generic valium.

MC Mickey & DJ Brettski - Now Is The Time England 2006
Amusing MC/DJ combination names were passe in 1992

Talksport Allstars - We're England
The last time we had a Talksport anthem to review one of the band popped by our comments box muttering oaths. This one's based on Tom Hark and probably features no Talksport stars of any kind

Tonedef Allstars - Who Do You Think You Are Kidding Jurgen Klinsmann
Good god. The distressing signals involved in this shit are endless - it's setting itself up as a charity record in aid of the Bobby Moore fund, Geoff Hurst and Martin Peters are on it with Frank Bruno and Bill Pertwee, the Sun and PFA are behind it, yet there's absolutely no getting away from the fact that at a time when everyone wants to be seen to be clamping down on WWII references it's based on the Dad's Army theme

Trinidad & Tobago Tartan Army - Scotland Scotland Jason Scotland
Alright, we get the idea